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Childless not by Choice

Hello there, my name is Civilla Morgan. Are you childless not by choice? Do you know someone who is?

After years of hoping, and waiting, even attempting on two occasions to adopt; I realized I would never have children. It was a difficult time for me, but I decided that I could not be the only woman on this planet trying to figure out how to deal with my situation.

You see, I was not willing to pretend I was OK when I really was not. I wanted children and I was not going to be having any.  I heard all types of comments down through the years from acquaintances and strangers alike. Some meant well, some wanted me to be sure I recognized they had something I would never have.

But through it all, as much as my heart hurt, I also knew there were women worldwide who were going through the same or similar circumstances and feelings. And on top of that, some women are being physically and mentally mistreated.

So I created Childless not by Choice aka 21st Century Hannah. A platform where I speak to and encourage women who are childless not by choice. Check out my episodes, and please tell your friends and family; especially those who are childless not by choice. For details on all things childless not by choice, visit me at www.childlessnotbychoice.net. 

Thank you!

  1. All Episodes
  2. Note to Self, 21st Hannah Podcast

Nov 28, 2016

HELLO EVERYONE, WELCOME BACK TO 21ST CENTURY HANNAH, WHERE MY MISSION IS TO RECOGNIZE AND SPEAK TO THE BROKEN HEARTS OF CHILDLESS NOT BY CHOICE WOMEN AND MEN, AROUND THE WORLD.  I AM SPREADING THE GREAT NEWS THAT WE CAN LIVE A JOYFUL AND RELEVANT LIFE ALTHOUGH WE COULD NOT HAVE CHILDREN. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALLOWING ME TO SIT WITH YOU AWHILE.

 

  • Well, it’s nearing the end of the year. And as such, many of you are probably reflecting on the good, the bad, and the ugly of the last 12 months.  I don’t think we can help it. Especially if we want to grow from all we have learned, and have an even better next year. 

 

  • I don’t know if you have ever done this, but last year around this time, I wrote myself two letters. They were written at two different events. One event was a vision board party, and the other was a women’s mastermind luncheon. Apparently, the event hosts had the same idea! In each letter, I had to write to my future self what I expected her to have done by the time she received the letter a year later. Stay with me, don’t get confused! Lol!

 

  •  In one letter, I wrote a three-point list of the things I expected me to do. In the other letter, I wrote an actual Dear Me letter. As I read that letter, I thought to myself: I’m nice to me. I like me! Lol! Like most of us, though, it hasn’t always been that way. In my younger years, there was so much I did not like about myself. I practically wanted to be someone else. But as I matured, and as I surrounded myself by people who encouraged me, things began to change. I began to realize that who I surrounded myself with, who I listened to, really mattered.

 

  • I began to learn more about my personality. I realized I liked to have friends, but that I also liked my own company. I used to wonder if I were weird. But I wasn’t. Some things you only learn as you live life. Amazingly, many people go through life never really knowing who they are. They are afraid to find out. I believe getting to know yourself is helpful on so many levels. You get to know what you will and will not accept from yourself and from others. You learn how to choose your battles. And you genuinely get to like you, warts and all. 

  

  • As I read my letter to myself, I noted how encouraging I was to me. I even told myself not to beat myself up if I had not met all my goals. I truly believe that when we are good to ourselves, others have no choice but to be good to us, or stay away from us. There will be people who will insist on trying to disrespect, handle, or hate us. But I say stand your ground. I mean if you don’t stand for you, who will? Of course, this means there will be times when you are alone, even lonely. Because finding people who believe in mutual respect like you do, is no easy feat. But it will be worth it.

 

  • We live in a time when most human beings want to feel they have the upper hand in their relationships, regardless of the relationship dynamic. Spouses are disrespecting each other. Children are disrespecting their parents. Students disrespect their teachers. The driver behind you curses you if you’re not driving off seconds after the light turns green. People just seem to be generally upset at each other.

  

  • The funny thing is, if we just treated people the way we would like to be treated, the global thermostat would normalize exponentially! Alas, the best we can do is to continue to do our best on an individual basis.  

 

  • And what does all of this have to do with the issues of being childless not by choice? Well, everything! Because, how do you feel about you? Really, do you say more positive things to yourself than negative? Do you allow people to speak negatively to you, about you? Have you learned or are learning to choose your battles? Are you intent on maintaining as much peace as possible in your daily life? 

 

  • Please believe me, being good to you, speaking positively instead of negatively, to yourself; and choosing the right people to surround yourself with does not make you a pushover. Life is stressful enough without accepting and surrounding yourself with crazy all the time. But it all starts with you.

 

  • As we head toward another fresh new year, why not write yourself a letter? Say some nice things to yourself. Write two or three goals you would like to accomplish. Encourage yourself. Then seal the envelope, and put it in a safe place. I will check in with you a year from now. We can exchange experiences. What I really want you to do, is realize how beautiful you are, and what a beautiful life you can have, no matter how life turned out for you. Like Susan said in her email, we are blessed. We must keep that in mind when negativity attempts to make its way into our hearts and minds. Sometimes it will be a fight to maintain a positive attitude, but it will be worth it.   

 

Well, thank you for joining me for another episode of 21st Century Hannah. It is greatly appreciated.  Remember to visit me at www.childlessnotbychoice.net for details on the platform, and to subscribe to my free monthly newsletter.

 

Remember, there are so many places to listen to the podcast. You may listen directly on the www.childlessnotbychoice.net website, iTunes, iHeartRadio, YouTube, Overcast, the native app icon on your smartphone, Stitcher, and many other podcast apps.

Would you like to leave me a message? Look to the right on any page of www.childlessnotbychoice.net, you will see an oblong tab. Click on it and leave me a voice message of up to 90 seconds. And to leave me a review, head on over to iTunes! I would love to hear from you!  

   

Below...

...is the outline for my annual goals list. Try to come up with four to six bullet points for each topic below. See how much more interactive this list is versus just writing a list on a piece of paper? I hope you find it useful. 

 

2017 GOALS LIST

 

  • WHAT WOULD I LIKE TO BE MOST THANKFUL FOR IN 2016?

 

 

  • CAN IT BE BOILED DOWN TO FOUR GOALS?

 

 

  • CAN THE GOALS BE CATEGORIZED: FAMILY/GIVING/PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT?

 

 

  • CAN THE DEADLINE FOR MEETING THE GOALS BE BROKEN DOWN INTO QUARTERS?

 

         

Some people are shocked, almost in disbelief when I tell them how mean people can be some times. Well, here are a couple of links to articles on the ugliness of human beings in regards to the issues of childlessness not by choice. I'm not posting them to perpetuate hate, but to prove that childlessness is a global issue. There are variations based on culture, but it is definitely a global issue.

So check them out, tell me what you think.    

https://thehoopla.com.au/top-10-insults-aimed-julia-gillard/

 

http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/remark-voted-the-most-sexist-of-2007/2007/11/13/1194766619713.html

 

Hang in there! Don’t let them get to you! 

 

Until next time! Bye!

 

My contact information:

Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com

Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan

Twitter: @civilla1

Instagram: @civilla1

Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM

LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM

 

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