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Childless not by Choice

Hello there, my name is Civilla Morgan. Are you childless not by choice? Do you know someone who is?

After years of hoping, and waiting, even attempting on two occasions to adopt; I realized I would never have children. It was a difficult time for me, but I decided that I could not be the only woman on this planet trying to figure out how to deal with my situation.

You see, I was not willing to pretend I was OK when I really was not. I wanted children and I was not going to be having any.  I heard all types of comments down through the years from acquaintances and strangers alike. Some meant well, some wanted me to be sure I recognized they had something I would never have.

But through it all, as much as my heart hurt, I also knew there were women worldwide who were going through the same or similar circumstances and feelings. And on top of that, some women are being physically and mentally mistreated.

So I created Childless not by Choice aka 21st Century Hannah. A platform where I speak to and encourage women who are childless not by choice. Check out my episodes, and please tell your friends and family; especially those who are childless not by choice. For details on all things childless not by choice, visit me at 

Thank you!

May 8, 2017

Hello! Civilla Morgan here! Welcome to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.  I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life although we could not have children.  Thank you for allowing me to sit with you a while!


Well, you heard correctly in the intro. I have made the decision after more than a year of ‘discussions’ with my podcast producer, to change the name of the podcast. The platform will still be called 21st Century Hannah, but for easier searchability, the podcast name has been changed. So welcome once again, to Childless not by Choice!


Thank you’s:

  • Thank you for your FB re-shares and your Twitter comments and re-tweets. It is always appreciated.
  • Individual thank you’s if any:

“Thoughtful and informative. Civilla delivers valuable insights and resources for anybody affected by or interested in childlessness.”--Fotograffs, United Kingdom  (April 2017)

  •  Shout outs:


I want to let you know up front, that parts of this episode may be graphic. If there are children around, you may end up answering a lot of questions!

I wondered why this episode might be more graphic than the other three in this series, and maybe it’s not. Maybe it’s just that it is being done through my lens of experience.

For some of you, PCOS was your story. For some, Endometriosis was your story. And for others, Miscarriage was your story. Well, Fibroids are my story.   

Let's get started:

According to,

A lot of women have uterine fibroids at some point in their life. You may have even had them and never known it. That’s because they often don’t cause any pain or symptoms.

Uterine fibroids, which your doctor may call leiomyomas or myomas, are muscular tumors that can grow on your uterus. They rarely turn into cancer, and if you get them it doesn’t mean you’re more likely to get uterine cancer.

Fibroids can vary a lot in size, shape, and location. They can show up in your uterus, uterine wall, or on its surface. They can also attach to your uterus by a stalk- or stem-like structure.

Some are so small that your doctor can’t even see them with the naked eye. Others grow in big masses that can affect the size and shape of the uterus.

Uterine fibroids usually appear in women of childbearing age -- generally between 30 and 40 years old, but they can show up at any age. They’re also more common in African-American women than in white women and tend to show up earlier and grow quicker in African-Americans, as well. Doctors don’t know why that is.


According to Health Remedies Journal website,

Fibroids: Causes, Symptoms, and Treatments. Fibroids are non-cancerous (benign)tumors that grow from the muscle layers of the uterus (womb). They are also known as uterine fibroidsleiomyomas, or myomas. Fibroids are growths of smooth muscle and can vary from the size of a bean to as large as a melon. Aug 3, 2016

fibroids are lumps that can grow on the inside, outside or the wall of the uterus, 

Some symptoms include:

Excessive menstrual bleeding

Longer than usual menstruation--Overtime abnormally excessive bleeding may also lead to other potentially serious side effects.  (For me it was low iron, at times dangerously low. I spent many years taking the highest dose of non-prescription ferrous sulfate, and even had iv iron on one or two occasions. It was so many years my body had gotten used to living with very low iron.)

Fullness in lower abdomen

( my note: I don’t remember feeling full, but I did feel pressure on my bladder. It was very scary feeling the pressure of needing to go to the bathroom but not being able to go. The scariest moment of that happening for me was just before surgery number two.)

Pelvic or lower back pain

‘As fibroids grow in size, they can apply extra pressure on the neighboring organs and cause unwarranted pain in the pelvic area. The pain may also radiate to the lower back and some women may also feel the pain extending into their legs.’


(I had the back pain and always sat with a support pillow behind my lower back. I was so fortunate to have a vehicle with lumbar support for many years. It’s amazing the small things that we can tend to take for granted until we don’t, right?)


Frequent urination


Loss of bladder control




The constant pressure in the pelvic region can also lead to constipation, bloating and even diarrhea for some. For instance, when the fibroid growth is located towards the back, pressure applied to the rectum can cause constipation.

(My note: At first, I was like constipation? Really? But the explanation makes sense. That earlier explanation re: affected organs right?


Reproductive problems--Fibroids that develop in the cavity of the uterus may cause infertility by preventing implantation. Fibroids may also block the fallopian tubes causing problems in conceiving. In these cases, blockage of the fallopian tube caused by fibroids does not permit the embryo to enter into the cavity of the uterus.


Abdominal swelling

Depending on the size and number of fibroids present, the condition can occasionally cause the uterus to grow to the size of a five month pregnancy. This symptom can be observed as an enlarged belly or swelling in the abdomen.

(Yes, I remember wearing my shirts and blouses out and long. I used to feel so embarrassed!)



The heavy bleeding experienced with fibroids can sometimes cause a woman to become anemic. With heavy menstrual bleeding persisting overtime, the body may not be able to make new blood cells fast enough to replace those that have been lost.

In such instances, some women with fibroids may need to take iron pills to compensate for the loss of blood. At the same time, anemia may also result in fatigue, weakness, fuzzy thinking and moderate to severe light-headedness.

(So yeah, basically what I mentioned earlier.)



Articles of note:




Until next time! Bye!


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