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Childless not by Choice

Hello there, my name is Civilla Morgan. Are you childless not by choice? Do you know someone who is?

After years of hoping, and waiting, even attempting on two occasions to adopt; I realized I would never have children. It was a difficult time for me, but I decided that I could not be the only woman on this planet trying to figure out how to deal with my situation.

You see, I was not willing to pretend I was OK when I really was not. I wanted children and I was not going to be having any.  I heard all types of comments down through the years from acquaintances and strangers alike. Some meant well, some wanted me to be sure I recognized they had something I would never have.

But through it all, as much as my heart hurt, I also knew there were women worldwide who were going through the same or similar circumstances and feelings. And on top of that, some women are being physically and mentally mistreated.

So I created Childless not by Choice aka 21st Century Hannah. A platform where I speak to and encourage women who are childless not by choice. Check out my episodes, and please tell your friends and family; especially those who are childless not by choice. For details on all things childless not by choice, visit me at www.childlessnotbychoice.net. 

Thank you!

  1. All Episodes
  2. Episode 124--Imposter Syndrome and Mental Health

Dec 14, 2020

Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Childless not by Choice Podcast, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I also welcome you even if you do not fit the demographic. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thanks for tuning in.  Welcome to episode 124! Imposter Syndrome! 

Before we get into the episode...

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                                               Or

 

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Body of episode content:

 

  • Feeling like an imposter when we do life as CNBC women: I got this list from zencare.co
  • Extreme lack of self-confidence.
  • Feelings of inadequacy.
  • Constant comparison to other people.
  • Anxiety.
  • Self-doubt.
  • Distrust in one's own intuition and capabilities.
  • Negative self-talk.
  • Dwelling on the past.

 

So...

When do you most feel like an imposter:

When attending an event and immediately feeling like an imposter when all of the women start talking about their kids.

At work when a co-worker visits the office with her newborn. You wish you had a way of slipping out without being noticed, just like an imposter would do.   

When you are the CEO of a company or the Prime Minister of a country, and another woman says you cannot lead because you have no real investment in the future of the company/country.  

When your siblings show up with their kids and well…

When people assume you have children and they make commentary such as ‘you wouldn’t want that to happen to your kids would you?’  

 

When someone says ‘you don’t have kids so you won’t understand’.

 

 

Where do you belong as a CNBC woman?

  • Anyplace you want to be.
  • Anyplace you worked hard to be.
  • At any table, you feel you belong. 

 

 

  • How we should deal with imposter syndrome and gain the confidence we deserve:

 

  • Gain confidence by joining a group, a community, of people who are in your same boat.
  • Stop comparing your life to other’s lives.  Everyone is on their own journey. 
  • Depending on where you are in your childless not by choice journey, you can feel anxious and doubtful about where your journey leads. I won’t lie to you, it can seem scary. No one knows what the future holds, and a future without children may seem scary and lonely…but remember, your future is what you make it. We’ve talked about this before, remember, there is no guarantee that if you had had children that you would have someone to check in on you, to care for you. It would have been a 50/50 chance.
  • Trust yourself, even if or when no one else will. Even when you stand alone in your healthy boundaries. Trust yourself. You are worthy, and the longer you continue on in your journey, you will continue to realize and enjoy your worth.   
  • It took me a long time, but I have gotten to the point where I look in the mirror and say positive things to myself. Sometimes I even smile at myself. Do I think I am better than everyone else? No, because I am not comparing myself to anyone else. I am on my own journey, you are on yours. Look in your mirror in the mornings. You may feel dorky at first, but trust me, practice makes perfect. Practice saying nice things to yourself. Practice smiling at yourself in the mirror. Kindness to yourself will show in the way you interact with the world. They--the world, your family, your co-workers, will see a difference.   
  •   So don’t look back on what might have been, what could have been. Looking back will not change things.  Look around you now. Look ahead to what can be. 

 

So, we’re heading into a new year. 2020 has been beyond crazy right. I mean you know the saying ‘you can’t make this stuff up’, has new meaning.  But before we get there, about the Holidays. Well, usually we would be discussing how to deal with family and friends, maintaining healthy boundaries, leaving the party when we were good ready, etc.

Most of us aren’t heading to any parties right now, right? So we’re most likely in the opposite place: seclusion, furlough, maybe even loneliness? Totally opposite direction. What to do about being in a different place this holiday season?

Well, none of us have been down this path before. I mean the last pandemic was 100 years ago. So I am not going to pretend I know everything to say here. What I will say to you is what I would say to me: 

 

  • Do what you must to remain healthy mentally, spiritually, emotionally, even physically.  That means mentally that you speak with a therapist if things seem to be spinning, or even slowly swirling out of control.  Don’t wait until you have no sense of direction. Instead, take yourself seriously. Listen to yourself. 

 

  • Many of you know that I am a Believer. That means for me, that I read my Bible daily, I listen to sermons by pastors I really like and respect, I go to church (online. I haven’t been inside the church building since about March), and I read and listen to devotions.  So in addition to my morning devotions, sometimes throughout the day, I will listen to one of my favorite pastors. These practices keep my mind clear and healthy, leaving less room for negativity. Do I have my ups and downs especially during this crazy pandemic? Of course. But I look to my faith as my foundation that the rest of my life branches from.  What are your spiritual practices?

 

  • Emotional health is pretty similar to mental health. The difference though is that emotional health is the ability to cope. The WHO--World Health Organization says that ‘Mental health is  “a state of well-being in which the individual realizes his or her own abilities, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to his or her community”.  If you are having trouble coping, a word I don’t generally like, but I think it works in this context, get help. Bottom line.  



  •   Physically. Well, I have recently started back on my treadmill. 30 minutes every morning. And it is when I am on my treadmill that I do my devotionals. So I’m multitasking, something I love to do. It took me several months to get back on although I know I needed to, and I am telling you, it is the best investment in oneself. Exercise is a self-investment. It makes me feel physically better, stronger, and able.  And it’s also good for mental health.

 

So, there you have it. Imposter syndrome and mental health. Please take this information with you into 2021. I don’t know what is in store for us, but one way or the other, we must keep up our strength and our hope.       

 

Well, two more things before I go: 

  •  check out the Goals list in the Shop page on the website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net.  It will help you as you head into the new year.  
  • Leave a rating and review in Apple Podcast. I do not ask you to do this very much, but I will ask more in 2021, so don’t get tired of me. I  would really appreciate it if you would take a moment and rate and review this podcast. I’ve also put a podcast rating link in the FB  groups and here in the show notes.  I am seeing an increase in listens and downloads and I appreciate that. But when you rate and review a podcast it puts more eyes and ears on the podcast.  So click the link in the show notes and help me get the word out that there are childless not by choice women on this planet and we are just as worthy to be here. This link actually allows you to rate and review in Podchaser, iTunes, Castbox, and Stitcher.  Any questions, let me know. I can’t do this all by myself!

 

https://lovethepodcast.com/childlessnotbychoice?fbclid=IwAR35y5hLEQsg2EouqiJ4tXOjiHkPB39UbsmCS0FbMuvkN6VwvKAP0wAvdLs 

 

 Links to stories you might be interested in:

https://demography.cass.anu.edu.au/events/assisted-reproduction-late-fertility-and-childlessness-australia

https://blog.zencare.co/imposter-syndrome/

 

Episodes of interest:

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-114-the-holidays-the-loneliest-time-of-the-year-2/



My contact information:

Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
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If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details. 

 

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Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!

 

‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’

 

‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.